A dream is a succession of images, ideas, emotions, and sensations that usually occur involuntarily in the mind during certain stages of sleep. Yet as I slept these vivid images etched their way into my heart and the ideals that I have lived by for a life-time have given me the strength to sore with eagles. Unrealistic most have said, fool hearted I was told, touted by others to abandon my muse live within the confines of rules that seemed to restrictive for me. The battle ragged within my body tearing my heart, my mind and took my soul to places that I never knew existed, to the depths of hell and heights of angels, heaps of broken aspirations by those who say they wanted nothing but the best for me yet they violated my right to use my brain and did their best to discourage my…….MY LIFE, my freedom to not only chase my dreams but to challenge my best self. I have always had a wolf spirit, sharp intelligence not academically but thru expression of strong intuition and instincts an appetite for freedom, living life powerfully guided by internal instincts disallowing the domestication of my inner being. Conformity was very difficult for me non-conformity raged within my heart I knew there was more for me to live by, following my own path yet attempting to be a marionette allowing my limbs to be pulled by employers who wanted me to become a simple stage prop moved only when asked and perform within their limits as I struggled with these restrictions accepting that my life may never reach its full potential. Finally my inner spirit broke free of these molds, I broke free of the chains I allowed myself to become comfortable with who I was and am meant to be, finally chucking away what people’s perceptions were about me and living my own life ignoring the negative comments, looks, snarls and surrounding myself with people who are on the same path of enlightenment threw self-improvement.
If I have left any personal legacy behind for my children I hope they gleam onto these ideals that I hope they saw within me. I was always a life long learner not only within the written language but through the discovery of travel and experiencing different cultures, ideas, foods, religions, and information from different perspectives. Setting goals long-term and short-term but without compromising self along the way. Self taught skills, not the ones we were all born with but the ones you have to acquire from hard work not just natural talent. To love freely without strings attached, to give freely without an agenda, to listen to people’s stories and try an understand their situation without giving unsolicited advice, to empathize. To dream huge, run with your arms open, sucking the marrow out of every situation. To do life your way, through caution to the wind, ignore the nay sayers. If I have left you with anything I hope you realize I did what I felt was best for you kids as you grew up, yet you saw me fight for the life I wanted not the life people wanted for me.
I leave on a new journey, a voyage few people would ever put themselves in and that;s ok with me. I am going to become an expatriate, living in Minsk, Belarus joining my wife in celebration of our new season together. She and I have dedicated our lives to change for the betterment of our relationship. My wife’s last day of work is today August 30th from a Moscow Beauty shop which she has worked for the last 11 years, she is also moving from Moscow a place she owned a home, worked and lived for 20 years, with un- certainty she will move to Minsk where she has no job, has no residence and is unsure when I her husband will be able to come over to be with her on a full-time basis. I will be giving up living in America, leaving my kids, my grad kids, my family brothers, sister and my 91-year-old mother and friends who I have had for a life time, to take my place along side the woman I have chosen to become my soul mate and wife for the remainder of my time on earth.
The song I leave you with is one of my favorite songs of Change. Change in the world which I long will someday happen for the good, change in Irina’s and my life, and change in the lives of people sho love and cherish us as friends….I leave you to listen to the Scorpions “Wind of Change
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”
― Mahatma Gandhi