People keep saying that you should always follow your heart. But when your heart gets broken into pieces, which piece should you follow. Today as a father my heart exploded into thousands of tiny little pieces as I held my daughter in my arms as she cried and sobbed longing for answers and blaming herself for things that she had dreamt was her future answers for her children.
As she cried in my arms I was helpless to comfort her pain, she is a great daughter, fabulous sister, tremendous friend, and a husbands dream for a wife, and to me a perfect mom. She gives of herself with no expectations; her world is seen through rose-colored glasses which I wish everyone could experience once in a lifetime. Her rose colored glasses were fogged up with the realization that dreams don’t always come true and sometimes the best laid plans are not always the best plans to have been laid.
Courtney homeschooled her children till this year, at age 14 her twin girls were excited and thrilled to take on a new season and a new challenge. With the love of a mother and father the girls ventured out into the realm of education within the confines of a physical building called school.
Courtney was like any other mother leaving her children in the hands of strangers yet reluctant to venture far enough aways till she felt comfortable that they would make it through the day. One a loving mother always a loving mother….as she pushed them out of the nest she kept a close look on the things that they had to encounter that were never presented to then as students of homeschooling. 1st task at hand how to open a locker, never seeing or experiencing the phenomenon they were baffled, looking around for any sort of help mother was quick to be willing to open her wings in flight cover them up in a blanket of love to show them this thing called a locker, yet her husband snapped her out of her nature roles and let then flounder for a second or two as they watched and figured it out. They quickly realized shove everything into your locker and go to your home room class, as they entered with glee and excitement there was mom standing in the door way with tears streaming down her cheeks realizing that she may no longer needed for their interaction, her heart was filled with mixed emotion’s she wants to give them the freedom of flight and yet wants to keep them in the perfect cocoon she has developed in her house for them.
As she walked away looking back sever times wondering will they be ok, will they survive. The day ended without incident the girls were no worse for wear but mom was exhausted creating all the scenarios in her head that could or should have happened but they never came to fruition, Ah for the love of a mother.
Two more days in school and the weekend, wow have weekend changed since I attended school. I would race home through my books under my bed change for my life outside of the academic world and not look back till Monday morning when I realized that I had homework. Oh well off to school to socialize with my new friends and worry little about what was being covered in the classroom. Not so much for my twin 14-year-old girls, they were inundated with more homework than I ever imagined in a months time let alone for just the weekend. We opened their math book read the chapter or chapters that were to cover the assignments and 6 hours later we were still fully engaged in finishing just their math assignment not even considering they had science, language arts and a skit to put together all in a two-day period. As a former educator of 30 years I was a little miffed at the amount of work that was expected of young children. As I watched my granddaughters struggle with each and ever passing minute my heart was crumbling because while being home school they received so many blessing to carry them through life the one area that was truly missing was the gaps in their education.
We took a time out and Courtney and I talked about a strategy to get these kids situated in the correct placement within their skills sets.
That was the easy part, as a father you expect your children to have struggles in life and you feel you are somewhat prepared to help them through these difficult times but when your daughter comes crashing down around your shoulder writhing in pain sobbing with tears asking you what did I do wrong, I am such a poor mother, a bad example, I have failed my kids all I could do was listen the her pain, hear her out and then go back into the gifts she gave her kids that most don’t get to experience in a life time.
Courtney if you are listening these are the things you blessed your children with while growing up in your homeschool environment. They have spent more time with you in their 14 years that most kids will ever spend with their parents in a life time, you protected them from the current situation of bulling, they have been given a faith filled education where they have a relationship with Jesus not just one that happens on Sundays. You children are respectful, they listen they don’t challenge authority. You have taught them the meaning of love, empathy, volunteerism, the meaning of fair play, making intelligent decisions based off what you have taught them through the bible.
Are you daughters academically where everyone else is no but is everyone else at the same place they are in respecting elders, not confronting authority and having a believe system that will benefit the whole of the universe not just themselves.
I am a very proud father that you took your time stuck to your guns in the face of adversity everyone trying to tell you what was best. You stood strong persevered did your best, offered your best and gave them skills that will last a life time. Will they learn their academics yes, will it be hard yes but the ones thing they will never have to doubt is that they are loved, you gave them the most precious of gift….that gift was the gift of your time.
I love you Courtney you have done it your way, you took more chances in these past few years than most people will in a life time….you are a great mom, patent, friend and someone who lives by her moral code not anyone else’s and I respect that the most in you.